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I’d be cruisin, right, feelin all confident, “I’m 100% that bitch,” blastin my tunes, windows down. Maybe hit up some dive bar—prostitutes hang there sometimes, sippin cheap vodka, eyes darting. Little known fact: some got code words, like “you lookin for a date?”—sneaky, huh? Caught me off guard first time I heard it, I was like, “A date? Bitch, I’m married to myself!” Laughed my ass off.

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Then, I head over to the Zalec Beer Fountain. Yeah, you heard me. A fountain that pours beer. Genius! I grab a pint, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good, laughing with some locals. They’re telling me about the history of Zalec. Did you know it used to be a big deal for hops? Like, hop central! I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve been born here.”

Obituary for John Otterson