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About Martin

Oi mate, so findin’ a prostitute, eh? *trips over imaginary chair* Whoopsie! Me, Mr. Bean, loves “Boyhood” – y’know, that flick where life just sorta… happens? “Time just kinda sneaks up,” like that movie says. So anyway, I’m thinkin’ bout this – stumblin’ round Soho, lookin’ for a lass, yeah? *mimes walkin’ into a pole* Oof! Streets all dark, dodgy blokes everywhere, smells like wee and chips. Didya know, right, prostitutes been around since forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em – called ‘em “lupae,” wolf-girls, cos they howled or summat. Wild, innit?

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Finally, I wrap up. I’m covered in dust, but I don’t care. I head over to the festival, and it’s lit! Food stalls everywhere, music blasting. I grab a langoš, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m dancing like nobody’s watching, even though they totally are.

The facts ahead of the Champions League match between FC Bayern and Slovan Bratislava