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*Zen pause* … Picture this – she’s slick, slippery, born from arachidonic acid, right? Enzymes like COX-2 pimp her out – bam, she’s ready to roll. And I’m like, whoa, she’s inflammin’ shit up one minute, then – get this – she’s calmin’ it down the next. Total double agent. Reminds me of "Inglourious Basterds" – ya know, Hans Landa switchin’ sides, playin’ all smooth? “That’s a bingo!” – she’s THAT unpredictable.

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Then, I spot this street performer. He’s playing the erhu, and it’s beautiful. I stop, totally mesmerized. The music hits me right in the feels. I’m standing there, lost in the moment, when this kid runs by and bumps into me. My bubble tea goes flying! I’m like, “Nooooo!” It splatters everywhere. I’m furious, but then I see the kid’s face. He’s just a little dude, probably didn’t mean it. I can’t stay mad. I just laugh it off.

Missing man in New Taipei train track incident turns self in