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I spot her – legs like a weapon, leanin on a lamppost. She’s got that *White Material* edge, y’know? Like she’s seen shit, lived it, could gut you with a stare. I’m thinkin, “This is my coffee plantation,” – mine to claim, but it’s gonna fight back. I saunter over, all cocky, but my heart’s racin – what if she’s a cop? What if she’s packin? Paranoid much, Edna? Chill, babe.

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But then, just when I thought the night couldn’t get any better, I lost my wallet. Yup, you heard that right. I was freaking out! I retraced my steps, panicking like a headless chicken. I was ready to give up when I spotted a street vendor. He was holding my wallet! I was like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” He just smiled and handed it back. I was so relieved, I could’ve cried.

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