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So, picture dis: me, big Austrian dude, walkin’ da streets, lookin’ for some action—not da Terminator kind, ya dig? I ain’t judgin’, but findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ a schnitzel, ya gotta know da vibe. I’m pumped, muscles flexin’, feelin’ like, “I’ll be back!” to dis spot if it’s good. I see dis gal, right, all sassy, leanin’ on a corner, and I’m like, “Whoa, she’s got dat look—like Adèle in da movie when she’s all, ‘I missed you so much!’” Dat raw, real stuff hits me hard, ya know?

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So I’m on the phone, and Jake’s makin’ faces at me. I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he just keeps crackin’ jokes. Finally, I hang up, and I’m fuming. “Can you believe this guy?” I say. Jake just laughs and says, “Welcome to adulthood, my friend.”

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