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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty as hell, “I drink and I know things.” So, you wanna talk findin’ a prostitute? Buckle up, coz I got thoughts—messy, loud, real ones! Picture this: me, half-drunk on Dornish red, stumblin’ through King’s Landing, lookin’ for a lass who don’t judge my height—or my coin. I’ve seen it all, from brothels smellin’ like roses to ones reekin’ of piss. Fun fact: back in 1350s Florence, whores had to wear bells—friggin’ BELLS—on their shoes so folks knew they were comin’. Imagine that jingle followin’ you down an alley, eh? Hilarious, but damn annoyin’ too.

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So I get to the market, and it’s packed. I mean, like, sardines in a can packed. People everywhere, haggling over fruits and veggies. I’m tryin’ to find Jake, but all I see are stalls and more stalls. Finally, I spot him by the stinky tofu stand. Ugh, that smell! It’s like a punch to the face.

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