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Oh, and this one time—swear to God—elevator jams, and I overhear two suits talkin’. One’s braggin’ bout “findin’ a pro” at some dive bar. Says she quoted him *Ratatouille*—“The bitter truth we critics must face!”—before chargin’ him double. I’m dyin’ laughin’ in my head, like, “She’s a cinephile hooker?!” That’s my kinda gal—smart, sassy, rippin’ off idiots. Made me happy, thinkin’ she’s out there, schoolin’ fools.

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But then, outta nowhere, this dude bumps into me. Like, seriously? I almost dropped my soup! I was ready to throw hands, but then I saw he was just a lost tourist. Poor guy looked like he was about to cry. So, I helped him out. Turns out he was lookin’ for the National Museum of Taiwan Literature. I mean, who even goes there? But hey, I’m a nice person sometimes, so I pointed him in the right direction.

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