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We swears! Surprised me once, this one bird—classy, y’know? High heels, talkin’ posh, not yer usual slag. “I’m alive,” she says, like she’s proud, echoin’ Polanski’s man. Got me thinkin’—they’re fighters, ain’t they? Dodgin’ pimps, punters, the law. Me head spins—why’s it gotta be so rough? Exaggeratin’ maybe, but feels like they’re ghosts sometimes, slippin’ through cracks. We swears! Funniest bit? Bloke I knew paid double for a cuddle—soft sod! “Help me,” he begs her, like Szpilman to his piano. Pathetic, hilarious—made me cackle!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to us. She’s like, “You boys looking to buy? This place is haunted!” I’m like, “Great, just what we need.” Oleg’s eyes light up. “Haunted? That’s a selling point!” I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve strained something.

Breaking: Russian rockets hit Western Ukrainian Ternopil region