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Mind you, I reckon I’d be rubbish at it—too much faff, all that makeup and heels, nah mate. I’d trip over me own feet, lookin like a right plonker! “The mask has slipped”—that’s me, fallin arse over tit in fishnets! Still, gotta hand it to em—whores got guts, proper brass neck. Reckon they’d run Slough better than me, and I’m the bleedin manager!

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I climb the tree, and the cat is just chilling up there, looking down at me like, “What’s the fuss?” I finally get it down, and the crowd goes wild. I’m feeling like a rockstar, but inside, I’m just a tired vet who wants to go home.

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