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This one time, mate, chick’s massagin’ me—fuckin’ magical! Then bam, she’s usin’ hot stones! Nearly screamed, "This is my beach!"—so intense! Little fact: some use bamboo sticks! Weird, right? Fuckin’ surprised me, thought they’d snap! Ain’t no vanilla shit, it’s naughty, playful. Oil’s everywhere, slippery as fuck—love it!

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Then, around noon, this group of girls rolls up. They’re all giggles and glitter, and I’m like, “Alright, let’s see what you got.” One of ‘em, I think her name was Oksana, trips over her own feet. Classic! She falls right into the bushes. I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but c’mon! I help her up, and she’s like, “Thanks, big guy!” I’m just doin’ my job, ya know?

Zelensky chides lack of Red Cross, UN help for captive Ukrainians