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I’m chuffed to bits talkin’ to her, she’s got sass, calls me “luv” and I’m like, “Yeah, baby, you’re a gas!” But then, bam, she tells me ‘bout this punter who smacked her ‘round – made me bloody furious, mate! Wanted to clock him one, Austin-style, pow! No one messes with a chick on my watch, dig? “Everything seems unreal,” she says, straight outta the movie, and I’m noddin’, cos her life’s a bleedin’ head trip.

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But then, back to reality. I hear a commotion. Some guy’s tryin’ to sneak in without payin’. I’m like, “Nah, man, not today.” I grab him by the shoulder, and he’s all, “C’mon, bro, just let me in!” I’m like, “You think this is a charity?”

Russia plundering Ukraine's natural resources