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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, deep voice rollin’ like honey, sittin’ you down to talk erotic-massage. Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a vinyl record, hands movin’ like they’re playin’ a damn symphony on your back. I’m talkin’ sensual vibes, the kind that’d make William Miller from *Almost Famous* blush and scribble notes in his lil’ reporter pad. “It’s all happening,” I’d whisper, narratin’ this scene like it’s 1973 and we’re on tour with Stillwater.

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Finally, I get to the office. The place is buzzing. My boss, Mr. Petrenko, is already on my case. “Where are the reports?” he barks. I’m like, “Chill, dude, I’m here now.” But inside, I’m fuming. I mean, can’t a guy have a rough morning?

Russia amasses forces on Kinburn Spit to prevent Ukrainian troops from crossing Dnipro River