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Here’s the kicker—whores got humor, man, dark as tar. This one gal, swear she told me, “I charge extra for smilin’—teeth ain’t free!” I cackled ‘til I choked—sarcasm sharper than a switchblade. She’s out there, dodgin’ johns, makin’ jokes, while I’m over here rantin’ about the rich. “Billionaires should not exist!”—she’d prob’ly agree, then ask me for a twenty. Ha! Fair trade, I’d say.

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First off, I had a meeting at the office on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with that cute little café on the corner? Yeah, I was totally planning to grab a coffee there. But of course, I hit snooze like five times. Classic me. So, I’m rushing out the door, and guess what? My favorite sneakers? Gone. Like, poof! I swear they have legs and walked away.

Explosions were heard in occupied Crimea at night: residents reported massive attack. VIDEO