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Now, findin’ a prossie ain’t just walkin’ up and done, nah. There’s a code, innit. Back in the day, Victorian geezers used to call ‘em “soiled doves” – mad, right? Little fact for ya there. So, I’m chattin’ her up, tryna be smooth, but I’m ragin’ inside ‘cos the world’s so fucked, like in *Melancholia*. “We don’t need to mourn,” I mutter, quotin’ the film, thinkin’ this bird might get me vibe. She don’t, tho – she’s all, “What you on about, you nutter?”

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Finally, the bus rolls up, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and it smells like a mix of sweat and something I can’t even identify. Ugh. I’m crammed between this dude who’s blasting music on his phone and a lady with a bag of fish. No joke. Fish. In a bag.

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