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Funniest shit—dude haggled her down. She goes, “I’m not a coupon!” Had me dyin’, savage burn! But real talk, it’s dicey. STDs, violence—stats ain’t pretty. 1 in 3 get roughed up, yo! Surprised me, thought it was less. Pity the fool who don’t wrap it! Condoms save lives, no joke.

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As I’m sitting there, I get a call from another client. She’s having a meltdown about her training schedule. I’m like, “Girl, it’s not the end of the world!” But she’s all dramatic, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. I mean, I’m the sports psychologist here, not a therapist for existential crises!