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About Kryvyi Rih

And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the river. The Dnipro was looking all majestic, and I thought, “Wow, this is nice.” But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids start splashing water everywhere. I’m talking full-on water fight mode. I’m dodging like I’m in a battle, and these kids are relentless! I mean, I’m a warrior, but I’m not ready for a water war. I just wanted to chill by the river!

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