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Okay, listen up, pal, I’m tellin’ ya—erotic massage, what a trip, right? Pretty, pretty good, but oy vey, the stress it gives me! I mean, seriously, who came up with this? Some genius or some schmuck? I’m thinkin’ both. Like, “In the Mood for Love,” that movie, man, Wong Kar-wai nailed it with all that tension, all that longing. “He remembers those vanished years.” That’s erotic massage for ya—vanished years of normal back rubs, gone! Now it’s all oils and whispers, and I’m like, “What’s next, huh?”

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But wait, there’s more! Right when I’m on cloud nine, my phone buzzes. It’s my mom. She’s like, “Did you pay the rent?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m busy savin’ the world here!” But she’s relentless. Gotta love her, though.

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