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Oh, and the oils—smell like success, don’t they? Bit of lavender, bit of somethin’ spicy—corporate aromatherapy, I call it! I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “David, you’re a visionary—takin’ self-care to the next level.” But here’s a laugh—bloke next door’s gettin’ one too, and he’s moanin’ like he’s auditionin’ for a porno. Mate, keep it down—I’m tryna channel Nuri Bilge Ceylan here, not Ron Jeremy!

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First off, it started on a weird note. I’m sippin’ my morning coffee, right? Just a regular cup of joe from that little café on Shevchenka Street. You know the one? The one with the crazy barista who thinks he’s a rockstar. Anyway, I’m there, and suddenly, the power goes out! Like, what the heck, Dovhe? I’m thinkin’, “Great, just great. My day is off to a fantastic start.”

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