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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—crutches propped up—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, ‘cause why not? Everybody lies, right? Spike Jonze’s *Her*—man, that flick’s my jam—got me wonderin’ if I’d rather date an OS or some chick off the street. “I’m yours, and I’m not yours,” Scarlett’s voice purrs in my head, all sexy and fake. Kinda like a hooker’s promise, huh? Sarcasm’s my shield, so bear with me.

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So, I’m chillin’ at my place on Shevchenka Street, sipping my morning coffee, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be a good day.” Famous last words, huh? I head out to the river Horyn, where I usually do my fishy research. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, BAM! I trip over a rock. Classic me. Coffee goes flying, and I’m left with a soggy shoe. Great start, right?

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