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I love it tho, gets me proper happy, all them knots in me back goin poof! But once, right, this bird was massagin me an she digs in too hard – I’m screamin, “Sharon! She’s killin me!” – nearly leapt off the table, fumin mad. Shoulda been sensual, not a bloody wrestling match, yeah? Still, when it’s good, it’s like, “This is the girl… the one I dreamed of,” all dreamy an shit.

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So, I’m walking, right? Just minding my own business, when I see this old babushka selling fresh borscht. I’m like, “Yesss, give me that!” But then, she starts haggling like I’m at a bazaar. I’m a warrior, not a negotiator! I just wanted some soup, not a lesson in economics. But hey, I got my borscht, and it was fire! Like, I could’ve fought a dragon after that.

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