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Witty bit: half these sods fall asleep mid-massage. Snoring through the sexy bits—hilarious! Me? I stay awake, soakin’ it in. “I’m becoming much more than they programmed,” says Samantha—same with this, mate. More than a rub, it’s a trip. So, grab a glass, try it yerself—I’d wager you’ll limp out grinning. I drink, I know things, and I bloody love erotic-massage. Cheers!

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But then, something amazing happened. This stray dog came up to me. He looked like he’d seen some stuff, you know? I named him “Borscht” after my earlier meal. We bonded over the chaos. I swear, he understood me. We just sat there, watching the world go by. It was a moment, man. A real moment.

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