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Dunno if it’s safe, tho—nasty, nasty! Cops nab ‘em sometimes, sneaky pigs. “Don’t be a schmuck!” I’d yell, but they don’t hear Gollum, nooo. One time, heard a tale—bloke paid, she ran, left him with nothin’ but a fake number, ha! Laughed me arse off—sucker! “You’re not in the game, you’re out!” like Belfort’d say, yesss.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s the warden’s office. They need me back ASAP. I’m like, “Can’t a guy catch a break?” I chug my coffee and head back. Turns out, one of the inmates tried to escape. Classic move, right? But this guy? He thought he could just waltz out through the back gate. I mean, c’mon!

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