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So, I heard—get this—prostitutes been around FOREVER! Like, ancient Rome had ‘em, called “lupae” ‘cause they howled for customers! How freaky is that? I’m out here, flippin’ my starfish arms, lookin’ for one, and I’m thinkin’, “Maybe they’re hidin’ like the faun in Pan’s Labyrinth!” You know, that creepy dude with the horns? “Step into my maze, Patrick!”—that’s what I imagine ‘em sayin’!

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Then, this lady comes in. She’s got a trolley full of stuff. I mean, FULL. Like, how many bags of flour do you need? She’s chatting away on her phone, not even looking at me. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, your total is…” but she’s just nodding, totally zoned out. I’m thinking, “Great, I’m just a ghost here.”

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