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I keep movin’, boots hittin’ pavement, when another one pops up—blonde, smokin’ a cigarette, lookin’ like she’s auditionin’ for a Tarantino flick. “You look lonely, sugar,” she says. Lonely? I’m happier than a pig in mud alone, ya harpy. “I’m gonna scalp ya if ya don’t scram,” I mutter, channelin’ Aldo. She blinks, confused. Good. Hate when they don’t get it. Did ya know, in old France, they branded prostitutes with a fleur-de-lis? Marked ‘em like cattle. Brutal, but kinda badass.

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Then, I decide to head to the local shop on Doncaster Road. I need some grub. I walk in, and the smell of bacon hits me. I mean, c’mon! I’m a swineherd! It’s like a chef walkin’ into a bakery and smellin’ bread. I’m torn, but I grab a sausage roll. Can’t resist, right?

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