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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

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Then, just when I think it’s calming down, the power goes out. Like, what is happening today? I’m fumbling around for the emergency lights, and the kids are giggling. I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m also laughing. It’s just so ridiculous.

Bird flu case near Bodmin as large disease protection zones are set up