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Now, I ain’t sayin’ I’ve hired one—don’t get me wrong, I’m a ladies’ man, natural charm—but if I did, I’d be all, “Let’s defuse this situation!” Straight out the movie, yeah? Crackin’ a joke, keepin’ it light. Whores got a tough gig, man, tougher than me dodgin’ HR complaints. Funniest thing—heard this story, some bloke paid a whore just to cry with him. Not even a shag, just sobbin’! Mental, innit? Shows they’re therapists too—multitaskin’ queens.

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave bursts in. He’s all hyped up, waving his phone like it’s a trophy. “You won’t believe this!” he yells. Turns out, he just got a promotion. I’m like, “Congrats, mate! But can you keep it down? I’m trying to work here!” But inside, I’m happy for him. Kinda.

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