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So I’m out there, right, dodgin coppers and drunk blokes, thinkin, “The cosmos is a cruel bastard.” Ain’t no fancy ladies in silk waitin for me – nah, it’s all grit, all muck. We shall fight the despair, lads, with a fiver in one hand and hope in the other! Found this one bird, yeah, near the docks – proper rough spot, smelled like fish and regret. She’s givin me the eye, and I’m like, “Blimey, this is it!” Reminded me of that line – “The world has gone mad” – cos it bloody has, ain’t it? Me, hagglin with her, tryna act all posh, but I’m sweatin like a pig.

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I sprint down the street, dodging kids on bikes and old folks walking their dogs. I swear, I almost tripped over a poodle. Like, chill out, dog! I finally make it to the community centre, and guess what? The meeting’s been postponed. Ugh! I could’ve just chilled with my coffee!

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