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Oi mate, so findin a prostitute, yeah? *beep boop* Robotic voice kickin in—cosmic wisdom flowin! I reckon it’s like divin into a black hole, ain’t it? Like in me fave flick, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*—bloke trapped in his head, seein the world all wonky. “I decided to stop pitying myself,” he says, and I’m thinkin—shit, that’s me lookin for a prossie! Ya don’t pity yerself, ya just go, cosmic style.

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Then, I step outside for a breather. The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Maybe I’ll grab a coffee at the Calcot Centre.” But nooo, of course, I bump into my old mate, Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how he saw a fox on his street—Bramble Road, I think?—and it was just chilling like it owned the place. I’m cracking up, picturing this fox strutting around like it’s the king of Calcot.

New Calcot care home plan would see 70-bed site built on outskirts of Reading