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I spot this chick, leather skirt, smokin a cig. I roll up, all chill, but inside I’m like – “Is this it?” She’s givin me that look, y’know, sizin me up. “What’s your party trick?” I mutter, half-jokin, straight outta *Toni Erdmann*. She laughs, raspy, says, “Honey, I’m the whole damn circus.” I’m fuckin sold, man – happy as hell, she’s got sass!

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Finally, the power comes back, and we’re off. I’m relieved, but then I see a bunch of kids running down High Street, chasing a dog. The dog’s got a stick, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m laughing, but then I see the dog run straight into the road. My heart drops. But the kids grab it just in time. Phew! That was a close one.

Restaurant review: Newcomer brings the culinary excellence Carrickfergus was lacking with its elegant, bijou and warm presence