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I’d be strollin’ downtown, mutterin’, “Hmm… where’s the action?” Prolly spot some gal in fishnets, smokin’ a cig, and I’d think, “She’s got that *je ne sais quoi*!” Like in the movie, when Adèle says, “I miss you, it hurts.” That’s me, missin’ somethin’ wild, but I ain’t even started yet! I’d be nervous, tho—heart poundin’, palms sweaty. “Marge, chill,” I’d tell myself, but nah, I’m a mess.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old bloke walking his dog. The dog’s a massive Great Dane, right? And it’s dragging him along like he’s a rag doll. I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s all red-faced, trying to keep up. I shout, “You sure that’s a dog and not a horse?” He just gives me a look like I’m the crazy one.

Teenager murdered and stripped naked in the street after gun-fire attack in Chapeltown, court told