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Lemme tell ya, I was shocked—SHOCKED, I say! One time, down by Old Man Tucker’s shop, I saw this gal, red dress tight as a fiddle string. She winked at me, and I ‘bout dropped my varnish! “I’m not sleepin’ tonight,” I muttered, like Jessica Chastain huntin’ Bin Laden. Ain’t no CIA here, just survival, y’all. She prob’ly got a story deeper than a well—makes me sad, real talk. Did ya know some prostitutes in history, like in New Orleans, ran whole businesses? Owned property! Hush now, that’s power, baby!

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I get to the pub, and it’s packed. Like, why is everyone in Cheam suddenly a social butterfly? I squeeze through the crowd, and I finally find Dave. He’s at the bar, lookin’ like he’s just won the lottery. I’m like, “What’s up, mate?” He’s all hyped about some local football match. Apparently, Cheam’s team is on fire. I’m like, “Cool, but can we talk about my day?”

Former Xwchíyò:m (Cheam) First Nation chief wins councillor by-election with 38% of vote