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I’m cacklin’—imagine me, Joker, sidlin’ up, “Hey, doll, got a light?” She’s smirkin’, knows the game. Surprised me once, this one chick—swear she had a PhD, workin’ nights to pay it off! True story, blew my freakin’ mind. You don’t see that in the movies, nah. “The heart of the gleaner,” Varda whispers in my head—I’m losin’ it, laughin’, ‘cause it’s deep, man!

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After the morning madness, I decided to take a breather. I strolled down to the local café on Queensferry Road. Best bacon butty in town, no joke. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better, when I overhear this couple arguing. They were going on about something ridiculous—like who left the toilet seat up. I couldn’t help but chuckle. I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about?

Aldi confirms August opening for new Deeside store