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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?
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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate Sam. He’s buskin’ by the fountain on the Market Place. He’s got this wild hair and a voice that could melt butter. We start jammin’ right there, and people gather ‘round. It’s like magic, man. I’m strummin’ my heart out, and the crowd’s lovin’ it. I feel like a rockstar for a hot minute.
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