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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

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So, I’m walking down Passey Place, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the guitar, and honestly, he’s not half bad. I stop to listen, and suddenly, I’m feeling all the feels. Music just hits different, right? But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks over his guitar case. I’m like, “Seriously?!” The poor guy looks crushed. I mean, come on, Eltham! Can we not have a moment of peace?

Luke Warren joins Mottingham, Coldharbour & New Eltham ward team