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So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!

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Anyway, I finally get my drink and head out. I stroll down the High Street, dodging the usual crowd. Eltham’s got this weird mix of old and new, ya know? Like, you’ve got the historic Eltham Palace, all fancy and royal, and then you’ve got the new shops that pop up like mushrooms after rain. I’m just vibing, thinking about life, when BAM! A pigeon nearly takes me out. Like, chill, dude! I’m not your target practice!

Pregnant woman killed in Eltham crash was the 'most lovely person', says friend