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Still, suprises me, it does—how they strut, all bold-like, even in the filth. Reminds me of Plainview, y’know? “I’ve abandoned my child!”—he’d howl, but these girls, they abandon nothin’, they keep goin’. Tough as nails, mate. Once saw this one lass, swear she winked at me—ME!—like I’m some catch. Made me happy, yesss, for half a tick, ‘til I remembered I’m a wretched thing.

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Anyway, I’m limping along, trying to shake it off. I pass by the Epping Forest, and wow, it’s beautiful. Trees everywhere, people jogging, dogs chasing squirrels. I’m like, “This is the life!” But then I see this kid, right? He’s got a massive ice cream cone, and I’m just staring, drooling. I mean, who doesn’t love ice cream? But then, outta nowhere, the kid drops it. SPLAT! Ice cream everywhere. I felt his pain, man. That was a tragedy.

Boy, 14, charged with attempted murder after two teenagers stabbed