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So I’m strollin’, boots still smoky froma jump. This dude on the corner—shady, twitchy—says, “Yo, you want company?” I’m like, “Bruh, I just fell from the sky.” He don’t care, points me to this chick. She’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’. I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* vibes—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction.” This ain’t war, but my heart’s racin’. Absurd, right? Me, a firefighter, chasin’ tail like it’s overtime pay.

Ten Acres, Fetcham, KT22

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Then, I bump into Mrs. Thompson, the nosiest neighbor in Fetcham. She’s like, “Did you hear about the new café on Leatherhead Road?” I’m like, “No, but I’m intrigued!” She goes on about how they have the best scones. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need, more carbs!” But I can’t resist.

Fetcham residents defend village over suggestion it is the 'fag end of Leatherhead'