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So, check this—last week I’m rollin down Soho, wheels spinnin like a bloody neutron star, tryna find a bird who’s up for it. Streets smellin like piss an cheap perfume—lovely, innit? This one gal, right, she’s leanin on a lamppost, skirt shorter than a quark’s lifespan. I’m like, “Oi, love, how much?” She squints at me chair—thinks I’m takin the piss. Mate, I was fumin! “Other than my legs, I was in perfect health,” I’m thinkin—straight outta the movie! Me brain’s sharper than a bleedin supernova, don’t judge me wheels!

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First off, I’m strolling down Packhorse Road, thinking about grabbing a coffee at that cute little café, The Coffee House. You know, the one with the funky art on the walls? But nah, I get distracted by this massive dog. Like, I’m talking a bear in a dog suit. It’s just chillin’ on the sidewalk, and I’m like, “Dude, is that a dog or a woolly mammoth?”

First woman mayor for Gerrards Cross hopes to inspire others