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I got mad, tho—some sites? Total scams! Fake pics, fake promises—pissed me off! One ad said “classy lady, discreet,” and I’m like, “Yeah, right, more like a kick in the head!” But then—ha!—I found this old story. Back in the ‘90s, Springfield had this secret brothel run outta a donut shop. Mmm… donuts. Cops didn’t even notice! Too busy eatin’—like me! Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my coffee.

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Then, I hit up the Haydock Library. I needed some inspiration, ya know? I’m flipping through this book on Stradivarius, and this kid next to me starts playing air violin. Like, dude, really? You think you’re gonna be the next big thing? I almost lost it. I mean, come on, it’s Haydock, not Hollywood!

Cannabis farm uncovered in police raid on disused property