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Little known fact—back in Soviet days, hookers were called “night butterflies.” Kinda poetic, huh? Not these gals, tho—straight-up sharks. One dude told me some pimp once threw a guy outta window for hagglin too much. Brutal! I’m careful, tho—“What you kill, you must bury,” movie says. I ain’t buryin no regrets, fam! So I’m chattin Natasha up, she’s laughin at my shitty Russian, and I’m thinkin, maybe this ain’t so bad. 3000 rubles later, I’m feelin like a king—exaggeratin? Maybe, but who cares!

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I’m clapping, cheering, and then—BAM! One of the torches goes flying! It nearly hits me! I duck like I’m in a war zone. My heart’s racing. I’m like, “Dude, keep it together!” The crowd goes wild, and I’m just relieved I didn’t end up as a human torch.

Houghton-le-Spring cycle track opens for those learning to ride