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So, ye wanna find a prostitute for research? Be sharp, be sly—watch the law, dodge the judgy swabs. Me, I’d swagger in, winkin’, sayin’, “Let’s make science, lass!”—all while hummin’ Amélie’s tune. It’s a wild ride, mates—funny, messy, real. Ye with me, or ye walkin’ the plank? Savvy?

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After that, we decide to hit up the local park. Ince Park is a gem, I tell ya. Kids runnin’ around, dogs chasin’ their tails, and the smell of fresh grass. We plop down on a bench, and I start tellin’ him about my sheep escapade. He’s in stitches, laughin’ so hard he nearly drops his butty.

Police investigating claims that Wigan children are being used to deal drugs make three arrests in pre-dawn raids