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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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But then, this guy at the bar starts talking about how he’s moving to London. I’m like, “Why would you leave Keyworth?!” He just shrugs. I’m fuming. “You’ll miss the village vibe, mate!” But he just laughs it off. Some people, I swear.

Litterpickers collect 52 bags walking from Keyworth to East Leake