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Hey, so – finding a prostitute, huh? Wild stuff. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – Zen pause – it’s like that scene in “A History of Violence,” y’know? Tom Stall’s all calm, then bam – chaos hits. That’s the vibe. You’re strollin’ down some sketchy street, neon lights flickerin’, and it’s like – “This is my life now?” Kinda thrilling, kinda messed up.

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I woke up, right? The sun was shining, birds chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Little did I know. I grabbed my coffee from that wee café on High Street, you know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I was already late, of course. Typical me. I spilled half my coffee on my shirt. Great start, right?

Works to improve footways and carriageways in Linlithgow will get underway soon