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Sarcasm time—yeah, cuz milkin machines preps me for this, totally! I’d suck at it, prolly trip over my own feet, laughin my ass off. “I can see Russia from my house!”—and apparently the red-light district too! Movie vibes aside, it’s gritty, messy, real—kinda like *Inherent Vice*, no neat endings. You try it, lemme know—don’t fuck it up!

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First customer walks in. It’s this old bloke, right? He’s got a face like a bulldog, all grumpy and stuff. Orders a flat white, but he wants it “extra hot.” Like, mate, it’s coffee, not lava! I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside I’m like, “Dude, chill.” Anyway, I make it, and he takes a sip, and his eyes light up. Boom! Instant happiness. I’m feelin’ like a coffee wizard.

Car fire causes heavy traffic on A4119 Ely Valley Road in Llantrisant