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Fun fact—did ya know some old-school hookers used code? Like, “roses” for bucks—$50? “Gimme 50 roses, hon.” Sneaky, right? Adds that spice, makes ya feel like a damn spy. Anyway, we’re chattin’, she’s spillin’ tea—says her last john was a weepy tech bro, cried about his startup tankin’. I’m laughin’—what a loser! Me? I’m in it for the rush, the power—greed is good, baby!

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Then I decided to stroll down to the beach. Lowestoft’s got this lovely stretch of sand, right? Perfect for a walk. But as I’m walking along the promenade, I see this seagull. And not just any seagull. This one was like the king of seagulls. It swoops down, snatches a chip right outta some kid’s hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. The kid was like, “Mum! The bird stole my food!” Classic Lowestoft moment, honestly.

£1.9m project to regenerate Lowestoft seafront gets under way