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But when it clicks—oh, happy days! Found this one bird—legs for days, cheeky grin—thought, “Boris, you’ve struck gold!” Bit of hagglin’, cash upfront—none of yer contactless malarky—et voilà, job’s a good’un! Did ya know, in Amsterdam’s red-light district, they’ve got unions for ‘em? Proper *ordo ab chao*—order from chaos, organised as a Tory conference! Surprised me, that—thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, professional as a barrister.

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

14 children arrested after boy dies in fire