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Last week, I saw this dude—total sleaze—hagglin’ with a girl like she’s a market pig. Made me mad, ya know? I’m Loki—I don’t vibe with disrespect. Wanted to zap him into a toad, but I’m keepin’ it chill. Flipped her double the cash instead—felt good, heroic even, for a sec. Surprised me how much I cared. She smirked, called me “pretty boy”—ha! Me, pretty? I’m a goddamn trickster god! Still, kinda liked it—ego boost, ya feel?

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First off, I hit up the local café on London Road. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I ordered a latte, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you even burn a latte? I was like, “C’mon, mate, I need my caffeine fix!” But whatever, I just chugged it down. It was like drinking hot cardboard. Ugh.

AFC Telford 7-1 Lowestoft Town