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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

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Next, I’m headin’ towards the town center, and it’s chaos. People everywhere, cars honkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to navigate my way through. I see a busker on the corner of Corporation Road, playin’ some tune on his guitar. He’s got a crowd, and I’m thinkin’, “Good on ya, mate! Get that dosh!”

Teesside area has highest levels of child poverty in UK - but rate drops 78% seven miles away