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So, I’m cruisin’ the streets, dodgin’ burnt-out cars, feelin’ like Theo tryna save the day. Ain’t no fancy apps for this, naw, it’s old-school—word of mouth, shady corners, and a lotta luck. Git-R-Done! Back in the day, they say hookers used to hang by docks waitin’ for sailors—little fact for ya—now it’s more like gas stations and alleys. Surprised me, man, how quick you spot ‘em if you squint right.

Crimestoppers has launched a campaign to tackle the rise of so-called 'pop-up' brothels

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So, I’m like, “Fine, I’ll just take the gnomes to the pub.” I pull up, and the sight is hilarious. There’s a bunch of blokes, pints in hand, and I’m rolling in with a truck full of gnomes. They start laughing, and I’m like, “Hey, who needs a gnome for your garden?”

Mountsorrel care home could be turned into block of 10 flats