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So, last week, pissed off, tired, horny as hell, I’m stumblin round town. Minin’s fucked my back, need a release, ya know? This chick, red heels, skirt tight as a vice—Rarrgh!—she’s standin by the old saloon. Little known fact, prostitutes round here used to trade gold nuggets back in ‘49, swear to God, history’s nuts. She winks, I’m like, “Call it waterfalls gonna happen tonight, baby.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a tractor driver in Musselburgh is like riding a rollercoaster, but without the safety bar. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinkin’ about the chaos ahead. I grab my cuppa, and I’m out the door, ready to tackle the day.

Two arrested after emergency services called out in early hours